My name is Demerera Gulczynski-Adams and I am a freelance fashion writer, featuring in many fine provincial newspapers throughout our great realm. In my spare time, I like to paint watercolour pictures of former Arsenal FC and England national football team player Tony Adams.
My name is Tabitha McCoggins and I live in the wood near your home, subsisting entirely on a diet of wild nettles and assorted berries.
My name is Turkey McDonegall Carruthers Carruthers O’Turkey and I live in a craggy rock pool on the rugged Cornish coastline, sheltering from the elements in a cave, battling the ferocious waves on a daily basis and nourishing myself on the plentiful shellfish and other fruits of the sea to be found near my home. In two short years, I will don an exquisitely tailored suit, give a rousing speech to enraptured delegates at a meeting in Denver, Colorado, and be unanimously nominated as the Republican candidate for the presidency of the United States of America.
My name is Rotary O’Shingall and I serenade couples walking along the beach with my eclectic fusion of Italian bel canto repertory, electronic dance music and sassy baton-twirling.
My name is Belinda Carlisle.
MY NAME IS BELINDA CARLISLE.
MY NAME IS BELINDA CARLISLE AND I LIVE ON THE MOON (FOL-DE-ROL).
My name is Redwing Smithson DeBazzleshoor and I serve as chief of staff to Baagle the Lobster King.
My name is Dennis McTaggart and for twenty-seven years I have been engaged in a titanic struggle with my conscience, concerning whether or not to disclose secret information upon which I accidentally stumbled back in my teenage years, which could prove vital in bringing a negligent corporation to account for significant environmental damage caused by illegal commercial eel fishing operations in Chesapeake Bay, but which could also reveal my initial complicity in those very same activities, thus potentially forfeiting the many material possessions for which I have striven so hard, my secure and happy family home and yea, perhaps even my very life itself.
The first part of my amazing but agonising story is being serialised in the Quality Daily Broadsheet under my racy nom-de-plume, “Anamaria von Suckle”.
I can’t encourage you enough to go out and buy it.
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